In this sentence, is my message clear enough that I don't like to travel without my friend? ?

I used a fake name to protect my friends identity.


Here is my sentence:





The road traveled without David Johnson, is one less road I'd like traveled.





In this sentence, is my message clear enough that I don't like to travel without my friend?





Is the comma grammatically correct in this sentence?





The sentence is a spoof of the poem ';The Road Not Taken'; from the penultimate line: ';I took the one less traveled';. I figured I'd tell my friend this every time I travel without him to make him feel better.





What do you think?





Thank you.In this sentence, is my message clear enough that I don't like to travel without my friend? ?
Good,but try -


A road travelled without David Johnson is one l road I don't like to travelIn this sentence, is my message clear enough that I don't like to travel without my friend? ?
1. Your meaning is not clear. Sorry.


2. The comma is not grammatically correct in this sentence. There's no natural or structural pause which would require a comma.





You might want to try something like this:





A road travelled without David Johnson is not worth travelling.





or





A road without David Johnson in it is not worth travelling.
I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I don't think Robert Frost would like it. I don't think David Johnson would like it or get it.





This poem to me is about finding your own way, not the way that other people have gone and been thankful for choosing it. It is all about self discovery and taking chances and believing in yourself.





I keep looking at your sentence and i think i know what you are trying to say. I try to make it work and now my head hurts. Maybe try another poem.
To awkward because it is formal and sounds like you ripped it off from somewhere, (though you probably didn't.) Unless you are in relationship with him or in an elite circle where such might be the protocol, I think you might forgo the formality opting for a friendlier tone/wording.





Also, a best friend never feels left out, really! esp among guys.





Final point, do you really want to use the same line every time?
I hope your friend is deep (intelligent) enough to get it, because you said it perfectly correct. Alternately, you could omit the comma but then the flow would seem faster, and possibly take away some emphasis; and still be grammatically correct. I prefer the first one.
it might be more clear if you said ';... one less road I'd like to travel.';





and no the comma is not needed.
you don't need the comma.





The sentence is awkward. Try re-wording it.
The road traveled without David Johnson, is one less road I'd like traveled.








If you want to travel with David then the first part is fine, but the second part is confusing, but I get the word play. If you personally don't want to travel this road then I think you need to specifically say so.





What about this?








The road traveled without David Johnson is one road I'd like less traveled.





or,





The road traveled without David Johnson is one less road that I'd like to travel.





No comma.